I need to do this

Started working out today.  I am thankful that I have had the opportunity to get myself back up and running in the workout department.

I did my Jillian Michaels workout today and it was a great workout.  I found a workout group on Spark People and I joined the team and started today, one day off from the rest so that is fine with me.  I am also looking at going to Curves today.  I need to start working on losing weight, but the problem is getting my butt back in gear to do that.  I want to lose weight and feel great.  It is so important to me to look and feel normal again.

I have a large goal of losing over 100 lbs this year.  Which is a safe goal because it is about 2 lbs a week.  I just have to keep myself motivated so that I will finally achieve my goals.

My weight has held me back in so many things!  I wanted to be a Tupperware Consultant, and I have a mental block that no one wants to have a party with me because I am fat.  I have found that I let others run me over because I will not stick up for myself because of my weight.  I am so unhappy.  It has caused me to develop Sleep Apnea.  I also have found that I just feel I am no one and I don't matter because of my weight.  It is terrible to feel this way.

I want to be happy again, I miss being happy.  I want to feel confident again, but I have not felt that way in a long time.  I want to shop at a normal store, and not have to buy my clothes from special stores any more.  I want to feel that I am not worthless, that people are not staring at me because I am fat.  I want to feel like I am beautiful again.  I want to feel that people are not making fun of me.

I also know that if I want to have any more children I need to lose weight.  My body can not handle any more weight, I need to lose weight before thinking about having more children.

I need to stay motivated I need to work hard.  I know that I can do it, I need to do it so I can feel like myself again, like I deserve to be alive.