Choosing the way to live your life

Over the past couple months I have looked at the way I have lived my life.  The one thing that I have seen is that I am just not happy.  I have noticed that the best time in my life and the times that I am the most confident is when I have lived my life in a way that I live out my faith.

I have noticed that I, like Peter have denied Jesus in my faith many times.  Not necessarily in my words, but more my actions.  By missing mass, or doing things to become part of the in crowd, even though there is a gut feeling that it is just not the road I should be taking.

It is difficult to think that this is the way that I want to live my life.  The hardest times, the times of hardship and the times of doubt.  The times of pain are the times that I have not lived in a manor that I see fitting, a manor that I find to fit within my faith.

In the past I have felt that people would judge me and people would not want to get to know me because of my faith.  I have chosen the road that is highly traveled.  The road that would, in my opinion, win me friends.  The problem with this road is the fact that it is a road that leads to hurt and leads to pain.  It is a road that does not allow me to truly and fully be myself.

I have hidden my faith and pushed back that part of me with the fear that people would see it and hate me, or judge me.  I would make decisions that was against my faith because I felt that it would be better for people to see me that way.

Now looking back I feel that those decisions made people doubt me.  It made my actions look fake and made people question me and what I was saying and what I was doing.  It made me look like a person that could not be trusted, and instead of making friends, it caused me to lose friends.

Now I want to embrace my faith, and the fact that God will allow me to do this is amazing.  I can go to confession and talk to a priest and know that I am forgiven, for I am truly sorry, and know that God still loves me and will guide me to living the live that I am meant to live.

I know that this is a life that will be hard, but I know that by making my decisions based on my faith and my love of Jesus will help me to make decisions to change my life, and help me to feel confident that I am going to be happy. 

I know that I can not change the past, but I have learned a awesome lesson, a lesson that will help me to change my life and live it the way that I want to live my life.  I can live my life in a way that I can make the best decisions that will change me and help me to grow in faith.

This is not the easiest change to make, but it is a change that will help me to be confident that I will find Jesus.  I feel confident that people will look at me and know that I am who I say I am and that My faith is so important to me