Blessings From Withiin

Advent is a time to set new beginnings

2009-11-29T06:57:00.000-05:00

The one thing I like is that we are offered a new beginning. In the church, the first Sunday of Advent is a new year for the church. We are starting our process of waiting, of starting over. This is so important because one of the virtues that is often forgotten in this day and age is the ability to wait.

Technology is getting faster. We are having more and more at our fingertips. Children are starting to demand that they get what they want now. But is is not only children, adults are not happy when they can not get what they want immediately. Learning to be patient, and wait is one of the hardest virtue to learn.

With the beginning of advent we are blessed with so many different things. First we are blessed with a new, fresh start. That is why going to confession, is a perfect start to this new year. We are starting new in the church, and starting new as a person is important. God has give us the ability to start new. Every time we receive the grace from confession, the feeling of everything we have done lifted off our shoulders, we are given the opportunity to start new. Each year on December 31 we all set New Years Resolutions. A way to guide us through the new year, and help us to improve our lives. This is the same with the start of advent, we can use this time to set our course for the next year, and use it as a way to live a life that God wants us to live.

One of the lessons to learn during Advent is waiting. This is not easy. Look all around us, you have so much information at your fingertips. If you want something, you purchase it. If you don't have the money to purchase it, then use credit. It is not often, if at all we have to wait for anything. And in the rare instances that you do have to wait, it is usually painful, and overcoming of our spirit. Learning how to wait. Taking time away and seeing the blessing that comes with learning, and waiting is a great way to open our heart and soul to Jesus.

One of the most difficult lessons that we need to learn is how to live our lives to model God. One of the ways to learn this is through learning how to wait. To not want something instantly, but to see that sometimes, waiting is the best option.

My prayer in this Advent season is to learn to wait. To understand that things do not have to be instant, but through the power of waiting I will come to see Jesus more fully, and learn to lead a life that God has planned for me

What is Beauty?

2009-09-07T15:50:00.000-04:00

Your beauty should come from within you-

the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit

that will never be destroyed and is very precious to GOD

1 Peter 3:4

From all around, we see beauty. You can not turn on your computer, watch the television, read a newspaper or even look at a billboard sign along the road with out seeing the expectations that society has placed on women. It is so easy to see that around us we have expectations to meet up to.

As a child you see these images and it starts to leave an impression on you. Young girls are expected to measure up to these standards. Staying very skinny. Trying to wear makeup as early as possible. Wearing the most up to date, trendy clothes. There is pressure all around to be perfect.

Growing into the pre-teen years is no different. The expectations grow higher. Getting ready for school becomes very important. Making sure your hair is just right and your clothes are perfect. Finding ways to sneak a little foundation or blush on your face is important. You start to really think about body image. Many questions start to run through your head. Wondering if you are skinny enough, or if you are too fat. Wondering when you breasts are going to develop. If boys don't start taking notice of you, you start to panic and want to know what you can do to look prettier.

The pressures on a teenage girl are unbelievable. You want to look perfect every day. At lunch time the idea of eating anything, is scary, you don't want anyone to see you eat, they may think you are fat, or that you are going to be fat. Any comment that you hear while you walk down the hallway will adjust to how you see yourself. If you were never asked out, then slowly your self confidence will start to get smaller and smaller. All of these things put together are a lot of pressure.

Even as an adult, it is no difference. Being perfect, looking perfect will consume you. Comments from strangers can break your heart and stick with you for a lifetime. You wonder what others think of you and how people perceive you. The same feelings you had as a child, and growing up never really go away. And many of the experiences you had, especially the negative ones, will stick with you, and help guide the choices you make.

The one thing that can break this, is to remember that no matter what happens, you are a child of God. God made you special, and sees you as beautiful. By taking care of yourself, and remembering that you are beautiful, the world will be put into place.

The one thing that we each have to remember is that beauty on the outside over time will fade, the beauty that will remain is the beauty in your heart. That is true beauty. Just because someone has perfect skin, features, is the perfect size does not mean that they are beautiful. If they do not have a beautiful heart than they have nothing.

The key to beauty is to take care of yourself. Eat right, exercise, shower and take care of your skin. If you can do that, then you are going to just show what beauty that God gave you, and you will see just how beautiful you truly are.

Who Is In Charge?

2009-09-01T15:04:00.000-04:00

There is no authority except from God,

and the authroities that exsist are

appointed by God.

Romans 13:1

When it comes to having children, one of the very first battles every new parent faces is discipline. Children crave the discipline, however they want to test there boundaries.

Every year I am learning more and more about children testing their boundaries, as my children are doing this on a daily basis. They want to see just how far they can push the boundaries, and what else they can do.

While it is easy to believe that they are doing this just to make me angry, they are learning and growing. By standing firm in the decisions that are made, I am teaching my children just how important the rules are.

By starting off with rules at home, it becomes much easier for them to follow rules at school, and through out their lives. As we grow there are new rules. We start school and have rules. We get our first job, and again there are rules there.

God gives us the authority to set rules for our children and help them to learn how to follow the rules. These include the rules that have been handed down by God to us.

Learning to follow the rules is the most important lesson that we can learn in life.

Learning To Deal

2009-08-31T13:54:00.003-04:00

This past weekend I had an experience that I never thought I would have. My DH and I traveled to Toledo to visit his grandmother who is in Hospice. Walking in the doors, I was amazed how calming the building felt. The walls were beautiful. The paintings on the walls were perfect. As we walked down to her room, you felt a calmness.

Walking in for the first time, looking around and seeing everything was eye opening. For me watching her lay there in pain, not able to rest was so difficult. I did the only thing that I felt I could do, sit and hold her hand and start quietly in my head saying prayers. I moved from the Lord's Prayer and then on to the Hail Mary.

In between these prayers that I have been taught, I just asked for Jesus to be with her, to guide her and to help her during these times. I though of my favorite prayer, Footprints, and praying during this difficult time before death, that Jesus was carrying Grandma, helping her through the end of her suffering.

I had comfort when the nurses and the STNA's said that everything that was happening was all normal and part of the stages of death. It was a comfort, but still not easy to watch. I wanted to take her pain and let her be peaceful.

We are still waiting as of today, waiting to hear what was going to happen next. I pray for her to be comfortable, and that she is able to be welcomed into the glory of heaven. While I know that we will miss her and mourn for her, I will be comforted knowing that she is in the promised land with Jesus.

What's On Your Mind

2009-08-28T14:23:00.000-04:00

Think about the things that are good and worthy of praise

Think about the things that are true and honorable

and right and pure and beautiful and respected.

Philippians 4:8

It is often very hard to be positive when others around you are being very negative. Negativity grows quickly and spreads like wild fire from person to person. Once you start feeling or being negative it often will consume your day, your thoughts and your actions.

Being positive, and loving is not so easily spread, it takes more time. If you are feeling negative, or down, having loving and positive feelings overcome the negative feelings takes time and work. The same is true with violence and anger, once you are over come with these feelings, finding happiness is not easily done.

That is why television is so powerful. Violent shows can influence how other feel. As a character takes on a feeling of being afraid or scared it is easy for the viewing audience to take on those feelings and start to own them. When a character is angry it is easy to take the anger and allow it to overcome your life.

That is why it is important to know what we are thinking about and what we allow ourselves to be influenced by. If we want the love of God to enter into our hearts, then we have to open them to him, and block the feelings of anger, hurt, sadness and other negative feelings that are around us.

When we want to grow in love, we have to be open to see all of the good and the positive that God has put into our lives and in our path. Once we can do that we are truly opening our minds, hearts and souls to becoming vessels for God.

Learning how to do this is not easy, however it is important to remember that as humans we are easily influenced with what is around us. That is why choosing friends and choosing televisions shows to watch is so important. Choosing wisely is the best way to open your hear to Jesus.

Angels Watching Over Me

2009-08-27T09:12:00.000-04:00

He has put his angels in charge of you

to watch over you wherever you go.

They will catch you in their hands so that

you will not hit your food on a rock.

Psalm 91:11-12

I have noticed that lately I have been struggling, mainly because there are many times that I feel completely alone. Being alone is a scary thought. For me when I am left to myself I often find that being alone also means that my thoughts start to run away from me.

Often times when I have a few minutes of quiet in my life I find that this quiet will be quickly filled with the thoughts that are racing through my head. Having thoughts that start racing through my head confuses and often times changes my mood.

For me it is easy to read into the thoughts that go through my head. They quickly take me from being in a good mood to being in a bad mood. This is a feeling that is not good. Knowing that something simple can have such an effect on me. And this will lead me to believe that I am alone.

Thinking about Psalm 91 is a great reminder that we are never truly alone. That we always have an Angel with us. They are there to guide us. When we are feeling alone, or our thoughts and worries get the best of us it is time to stop and consider changing directions.

In those times why not take a step back and remember that we should trust in God and all that he has for us. Trust that our Angel that is watching over us will help guide us through the rough times, and comfort us when we need to be comforted.

God never wants us to feel alone. He always wants us know that he is here for us and that he loves us. We know that with God we have the ability to achieve our goals. He will assist us in finding the tools, hold our hands when we fail, and help us get back up and try it again.

The next time I feel alone, I am going to remember that I am never alone. That I always have an Angel that God has sent to watch over me and guide me. When I have too much on my mind, I am going to lift it up and have faith that everything will work out, just as God has planned

You Are Accepted!

2009-08-26T07:20:00.003-04:00

The Lord your God in your midst,
the Mighty One, will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness,
He will quiet you with His love,
he will rejoice over you with singing.

Zephaniah 3:17

As a Human we are all looking to be accepted. As a mother we often lose our identity in what we do. I know that I have found as a Stay At Home Mother I often feel I lose myself in what I do during the day. I see my self as Tyler & Nathan's mother. A pet owner of Brutis the dog, Simba the cat and Fluffy the hamster. A wife of Brian. A Daughter of Karen and Gary. These are not bad things, just realities. And these are not bad realities.

Every day I wear many hats, and every mother out there knows of the different hats we are required to wear every day. Any given day I am a mother, doctor, chef, nanny, judge, driver, wife, maid, mediator, supporter, friend, sister, aunt, granddaughter, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, and so much more. With all that we do on a daily basis it is easy to forget to just be ourselves.

Getting lost in all of our responsibilities is easily done, and feeling that we are accepted for who we are is just as difficult. That is why it is so important to remember one thing, that we are loved and accepted for who we are, and nothing more. God loves us, the core of us. He expects nothing of us, except for being ourselves.

So often we feel we have to be something we are not to be accepted, but God accepts us and loves us for who we are. We don't have to pretend, we don't have to do anything more than be out selves and he loves us, and always has. Even with any of the negative things we have done. Even when we have turned away from him, he still loves and accepts us.

So the next time you are down, or just have a bad day. The next time you feel that you have nowhere to turn or that you are alone. When you feel the world is against you, it is important to remember you have one, very important person who just accepts you, for all of your flaws, in all of your hard time, and that is God!

Remember that God accepts and deeply loves you, just as you are right at this very moment! When you are insecure and scared, remember this and feel secure in the love God has for you!

How Much Is Too Much

2009-08-24T10:13:00.000-04:00

Those who trust in riches will be ruined, but a good person will be healthy like a green leaf

Proverbs 11:28

As a mother we want to give everything to our children. I have found in my life that giving everything to my children is more technology and possession based. It is amazing how quickly we come to rely on possessions for just about everything.

I know that I am guilty of this. It seems that I get one thing and want more and more. Nothing seems to satisfy me, or make me feel as if I have achieved my goals. I see something new advertised and I want it. I feel a need driven to have it.

When I am able to get this object that I want to so bad it feels great at first, but that feeling is a novelty that wears off. To feel good I need to purchase more and more. This is not a good feeling at all. It leave me feeling empty when all is said and done.

Learning not to trust in the possessions that are around us is one of the hardest lessons that one can learn. This is a lesson that, once it is learned so many wonderful feelings and emotions fill your heart. Learning that you do not need to purchase things, but to rely on what you have and the wonders that God give you is one of the important jobs we can do.

As a mother this is one of the lessons that not only do I need to learn for myself but I also want to learn so I can pass it along to my children. Having my children learn how to trust to God for happiness will be the best and most important lesson as a mother I can teach them.

Being thankful for the little things

2009-07-28T07:10:00.000-04:00

This past weekend My DH and DS1 went out of town to visit my MIL and FIL, so I had the house to myself with DS2. It was a wonderful weekend to spend one on one time with him. Having the time or the ability to spend one on one time with DS2 is often difficult because he is quiet and like to play by himself where DS1 is always up in my face and talking to me and getting my attention.

It was so nice to concentrate on one child and remember what it was like. Looking back I used to think that it was difficult to do anything with one child. Now I see that I was wrong. With only one child I was easily able to clean my house, and do my laundry. The entire weekend, other than the toys he was playing with my house was clean.

I am so happy that DH and DS1 are home, but I have to admit that they came home and I feel I am back at square one with cleaning and getting my house back in shape. It is a hard feeling, because I have some cleaning I do on a daily basis but I just have the added stress of unpacking and organizing everything that they had taken with them.

At first I was put off by this thought that I am going to have to start over. But then I realize that it is not going to be bad. The key is first to getting organized and second to know that everything will be ok. These little things that seem to get me down, are part of my job. These little things are important because they are helping my family. I am going to start changing the way I am thinking.

My goal is when live gets me down, and when I feel that I am overwhelmed by the little tasks that I need to do on a daily basis, to stop and pray. First to be thankful that I have these little tasks to do. Second pray that through these tasks my eyes will be open to all of the things that God has in store for me.

It is important to remember that God has little tasks for you to do everyday. Some of these tasks can be frustrating, but knowing that they are important is a good thing. Some of the tasks can be tasks that you don't like, but taking the time to thank God for the ability to do these things will make them so much easier.

Choosing the way to live your life

2009-07-21T08:40:00.000-04:00

Over the past couple months I have looked at the way I have lived my life. The one thing that I have seen is that I am just not happy. I have noticed that the best time in my life and the times that I am the most confident is when I have lived my life in a way that I live out my faith.

I have noticed that I, like Peter have denied Jesus in my faith many times. Not necessarily in my words, but more my actions. By missing mass, or doing things to become part of the in crowd, even though there is a gut feeling that it is just not the road I should be taking.

It is difficult to think that this is the way that I want to live my life. The hardest times, the times of hardship and the times of doubt. The times of pain are the times that I have not lived in a manor that I see fitting, a manor that I find to fit within my faith.

In the past I have felt that people would judge me and people would not want to get to know me because of my faith. I have chosen the road that is highly traveled. The road that would, in my opinion, win me friends. The problem with this road is the fact that it is a road that leads to hurt and leads to pain. It is a road that does not allow me to truly and fully be myself.

I have hidden my faith and pushed back that part of me with the fear that people would see it and hate me, or judge me. I would make decisions that was against my faith because I felt that it would be better for people to see me that way.

Now looking back I feel that those decisions made people doubt me. It made my actions look fake and made people question me and what I was saying and what I was doing. It made me look like a person that could not be trusted, and instead of making friends, it caused me to lose friends.

Now I want to embrace my faith, and the fact that God will allow me to do this is amazing. I can go to confession and talk to a priest and know that I am forgiven, for I am truly sorry, and know that God still loves me and will guide me to living the live that I am meant to live.

I know that this is a life that will be hard, but I know that by making my decisions based on my faith and my love of Jesus will help me to make decisions to change my life, and help me to feel confident that I am going to be happy.

I know that I can not change the past, but I have learned a awesome lesson, a lesson that will help me to change my life and live it the way that I want to live my life. I can live my life in a way that I can make the best decisions that will change me and help me to grow in faith.

This is not the easiest change to make, but it is a change that will help me to be confident that I will find Jesus. I feel confident that people will look at me and know that I am who I say I am and that My faith is so important to me

My Prayer Today

2009-07-21T06:49:00.001-04:00

Today Lord I Pray for

My eyes to be open to see your great work

My ears to be ready to listen to your quiet whispers

My mouth to speak only words that will reflect my love of you

My heart to love all that you have given me in my life

My hands to be ready to do your will

My soul to be child-like to trust that you are with me today.

Amen

Trusting the Vine of God

2009-07-20T06:33:00.000-04:00

Yesterday while at mass I heard one of the most inspirational and moving sermons that I have ever heard. This one was one that reached out and touched my heart, and was one that I can relate to all aspects of my life, and all goes back to having faith in God.
I have always had faith in God, the problem that I have had was to be brave enough to share it with everyone. The biggest fear that I have is the fear of being judged. I also have had the issue of not always living my life in a way that God could be shown through, or even that I could be proud of.
A trip to Tennessee had shown me how God can change my life. Seeing the work that he had done in a friend was the first important step I needed. When you see someone on a different level and see the little seeds you know that God is at work.
Then it all came together yesterday at mass. The parable came up of a woman walking through the woods and she hears a growl coming from behind her, so she turns around and finds Tigers. She runs but finds herself at the edge of a cliff. When she looks down she sees a vine, and starts to climb down. As she is climbing she hears a growl from underneath her. When she looks down she sees another pack of tigers. She stops where she is but then starts hearing little scratching sounds from above and sees mice gnawing at the vine. Faced with all of this she looks around and finds wild strawberries around her and chooses to take the moment to enjoy a strawberry.
I find myself in this situation so many times. I have tried to scramble and throw strawberries up, or down. Tried to scare the mice. While it may work for a few minutes, the tigers and the mice always come back. I have failed to do the one thing that is so important... trust in the vine. I need to take the step back and learn how to trust in the vine and know that the strength of the vine is the strength that I need to live my life.
Once you learn to trust in the vine that is when you will find the strawberries, and that the strawberries become more and more plentiful. Seeing the strawberries, and then learning how to enjoy them is the key to learning how to live a life with Jesus and how to be completely happy.
I have challenged myself to start living my life. I have challenged myself to stop trying to do what I think others want me to do. I have challenged myself to stop being the person that I was and hated, and take that little light that I loved and start living that as my life. Trusting in God, and knowing that he is there. Trusting that during the times when I feel that I am going to fall, that God will be my strength. Finding the tigers and the mice in my life and doing what I can to eliminate them if possible. Knowing that there will always be tigers and mice, but knowing that my faith is what is needed to keep me strong.

Morning Changes With Jury Duty

2009-07-09T08:24:00.000-04:00

Being a mother is not easy. But being a stay at home mother I find being very difficult. I have been blessed to be selected for Jury duty, and it has been a very different for me in the morning.

My normal routine is nice. I get up at 5:15am. I get ready and go run at the gym, or do some sort of work out. Then I come home and stretch and take on my morning with my children. I take a shower after breakfast and then go play with my children. Some where in the day I find the time to not only play with my children, but plan and fix dinner, clean the house do the laundry and go to the store when neccessary.

I was then thrown a wrentch into my plan with having to get up early and do a completely different routine. I did not want to give up my morning workouts, they are the biggest and best part of my day. I start out with my work out, but get home and squeeze in some housework. Then battle getting into a shower and getting my kids out of bed.

Getting ready for Jury duty is much like having to get out of the house if you are a working mother I have found. It is not easy. I can tell that mornings can be stressful. I am so grateful that I am organized and made sure that I had everything I needed done before I went to bed. I did not have to run around and find clothes or pack a lunch.

I love having some time to myself to get some things done. It is nice to have the quiet that I am not used to, however it is boring to not have my children around. I miss playing with them and going outside. I take walks with my mother a couple of days a week, which are a wonderful way to connect with her and I have not been able to do that either.

I am also very surprised how tiring it is just sitting around all day. I get home and I just don't want to do anything. I was more tired my first day of sitting around than the days I get up work out, take my kids to the zoo and do things.

To me it is just amazing just how tired I am from just sitting around. I miss my mornings of sitting and cuddling with my children. I know that it is important to do what I am doing, and I pray that I will also get to experience the court room and a trial.

Stressful Days

2009-06-16T14:45:00.000-04:00

I look around me and I feel just so blessed. I have a roof over my head. Food to cook with. A wonderful family. A dog and cat. I am blessed to be able to go the gym and go work out. What more can I ask for?

I look around and see beauty everywhere and it is so wonderful. Then out of no where comes the stress.

I love my children, but I know when they are tried and those are the days when I know it is time for naps. Those are the days that my children refuse to take naps, and there it starts. The crying, the whining, the days that I want to either start drinking or just get my running shoes on.

Listening to my 4 year old say over and over my mommy does not like me because I let him know that something he wants has been taken away because of his refusal to take a nap, makes me want to cry, but I also know that I have to stay strong!

These are the days I know that I need to call upon the Lord and ask for his help. The days that I fall to my knees to start saying a Hail Mary and pray that she can help me as only a mother can. I love my children more than life itself. I also know that I need to have patience with them, especially during the days that are difficult.

I look at the sky and the beauty that I have found around me and use that to reach out to, knowing that I need as much help as I possibly can get so that I find the patience that is inside of me so I can be the best mother possible.

Believe it or not It will work out

2009-06-12T13:53:00.000-04:00

The past two years has been very difficult for me. On and off things seem to happen that have made my life very difficult. I know that it is not something that I did, I know that some of it happened and there is nothing that I could to to stop it from happening.

The amount of emotions and feelings that I had been going through was unbelieveable. Some days were good days, others were terrible. I had days that would start out good and then turn bad, and days that would start out terrible and end up ok.

The emotions were wearing me thin. Now that I am at a place, I finally can look back at everything and see that there is a reason that everything happened. I can look back and realise that the path I was on was not the best path for me to be on, and that I needed to change directions in my life, or I would be truely unhappy.

I know that there was no worse feeling, than the feeling of being hopeless, like your entire world was going to collapse around you. I know that there were times that I wondered if I would make it through the week or even the day.

Struggling like that has made me realise that things happen, for a reason. That I now have learned how to make better decisions and know that when it comes to people and things, that you will always find out who your true friends are.

Now I know that when I start out a day or a week feeling hopeless, that sometimes the best thing to do is to stop and take a step back. That those times are the times that by taking the road less traveled and knowing that it might not be pleasant, but it is probably for the best reason in the world!

It's Been a while

2009-05-28T06:52:00.000-04:00

The past couple of months I have got away from everything, and I have noticed, that a few things were missing. One was the church, so my lenten promis to myself was to make church a priority again in my life. I did that. I started to go weekly. Not only that, but I am bringing my 4 year old son as well to get him into the wonderful habit of going weekly to church.
I have to admit there are times I want to give up, and I wish I would have started taking him sooner. I am glad that he joins me and that for the most part he is so good while we are there.
I have also got away from my blogs.... and I miss them. I am looking for the best way to get back into blogging, and I decided that there is no better time or day than today.

My son on the 1st Day of school

Today is going to be bitter sweet for me. My son will be "graduating" from preschool. Yes he will be going again next year, but it means that he will have finished his first year of school. Looking back I remember the weeks leading up to the first day being so scared that he would not want to go. He loved it from the first day! I came the first day for his open house, and we walked in and he asked me why I was coming in with him. He transistioned so well.
Now his school year has come to an end. He will have an ice cream social to end out the year. I am so proud of him. He is doing great with starting to write his name and everything he should be doing. I am also grateful that he has one more year of preschool... I know that this will help him so he does wonderful and grows as the next year approaches!

The red shirt was from 08. The green shirt is 09

I also started him in soccer last year. We spent almost the entire year begging him to play on the field. Most of the time when he finally got on the field he would sit and pick flowers and the grass. This year is completely different. He is participating the entire game. He only comes in for a drink when the coaches tell him to. He has even scored goals in a few games. What a difference a year makes. I am so very proud of him and everything that he has done this year.
Tonight is his last soccer game. I am going to be sad to see the season end. I am grateful that all of the kids get trophies in this league. As they get older they sould only get the trophies when they are winners. I don't think that every person should get one. But I do have to say at the younger ages of 3 , 4, and 5 as they are learning they should have positive re-inforcement and that is what the trophy will do for them.

Today is going to be so different. My son is growing up so fast. I can remember the shy little boy who would never leave mommy's side, and now he is growing up. Playing with other kids and starting to become a little person who is slowly starting to not need his mommy any more. It is wonderful to see the confidence that I have given to him. See how he is developing his own little personality. It is also difficult to realise that every year he is going to need me less and less!

Prayer

2009-02-26T06:38:00.000-05:00

Looking at myself I have chosen this Lenten season to focus my energy on prayer. I am working on adding additional time to my day to pray. Finding ways to slow down the fast pace of my life, and take the time to enjoy all of the blessings that I have around me.

I am praying for so many things, but the focus is the strength to continue to work out and change my life. This is a change that is much needed and very hard to do. While the basic end result will be losing weight and getting to a weight that I am comfortable with, I am also looking to focus on something more. I am using this focus on helping me be able to push though all of the difficult parts and times in my life, and use the power of prayer to focus on the strength that I need to achieve any goals that I have that will be difficult.

I have seen that when you are going through a tough time and turn away from God it makes everything more difficult. I have taken a different approach, and that is to do something completely different and that is to focus on prayer and turning to God when things are starting to become more difficult in my life. I have found when I take the time to focus and allow God to be there with me and help guide me something amazing happens, I find that I feel stronger and that I can make it through.

Prayer is an amazing part of my life and I have recently seen all of the most difficult tasks, when I pray become more bearable. That does not mean that they become easier, they are just more bearable for me to deal with. I have figured out for me that opening up myself, not setting expectations, and realizing that God will be there and help you, when you open up your life to prayer. This was the most difficult lesson that I had to learn!

I am taking the time to find the different ways to open my heart, mind and soul to prayer. Finding different times during the day to stop and pray. Not only during the wonderful times, but also the difficult times. I am finding ways to thank God for the wonderful gifts around me and ask God for help when the situation gets tough. Recently I am also praying for his guidance and to allow the Holy Spirit to come and help bless me with the wonderful gift of Patience. This is one gift that I need the most help with.

I have found in my life, opening up my life to prayer is one of the most difficult and yet the single most rewarding experience that I have ever had.

Lent

2009-02-24T09:57:00.000-05:00

I have been thinking about my faith alot lately. With so many big changes in my life, I have just reciently looked back and found that there has been one constant, and a constant that I have to admit that I have been ignoring, and that is God!

God has been there to hold my hand through all that I did not understand. God has been there to help me understand that things happen so that I was not making the bad choices, and help to make me strong to realise that the right choices were not the easy choices, they were the difficult choices.

With the upcoming lent I have been praying alot. As a catechist I have always taught my class that they needed to give up something for lent, or do something to improve their lives. I have seen many differnet posts about people giving up candy and Facebook and other social media for lent.

I then started to think about what I wanted to do. I could give up a food, that would be easy, however, how would that make me closer to God? I could give up Facebook, but then I realised that for that to be truely effective, I would need to replace that time that I was on the computer with something else, but what.

I have noticed through my class that so many of us take the easy way out, we refuse to challenge ourselves, and stop relying on God when things stop going our way. Those are the times that we need to stop relying on other things and start relying on God more!

That is when I decided that giving up candy or chocolate was not the right answer for me. I also realised that giving up Facebook was not the answer, but I had no clue what was the answer, until last night.

I am a catechist of a confirmation class. This is a difficult year, especially since these students are trying to grow up in so many ways, and now we are forcing them to do what we feel is right, and many of them just do it because that is what is expected, not because they want to be in the class. Every year we go to a retreat, before confirmation. At the retreat 2 high school students come to talk.

In the talk, one of the students made me realise that we have so much that we need to be thankful for. Just because we don't have the best of everything does not mean anything. She spoke of going and getting to know the homeless and feeding them, and said one thing that shocked me, they have more than we do. They have a strong beilef in God, something that so many of us who are fortunate do not have.

That is why I have decided that I am not going to give up anything for lent. This year I am going to do somethign new. I am going to start praying more. I am going to start relying on God more. I am going to start talking to God more. I always believed that he knows all so he knows what is going on in my life, but I am going to start telling him like he is a friend.

This year I am going to open my heart and my head as far as I can to talk to God and listen. I am going to pray that his spirit can help guide me in the difficult times. I am going to believe that God is there for me and is going to continue to bless me, though everything. Knowing that there are times that might be hard, but that is so that I can learn to love and rely on him more.

I am going to challenge my students to do the same thing. Giving up something for lent is great, but asking for help is better. I have decided that the one gift of the spirit that I need more is patience, and I am going to ask that God can help bless me and guide me so that I can be open to patience that he has to help me out!

Snow

2009-01-14T09:29:00.000-05:00

So far today, I have been taking it one day at a time. It is so cold and snowy outside, it is crazy. I think that the snow is pretty for a day or two, then I am ready to have it go away. I know that it happens every year, but getting everyone sick is just rediculous. I am so sick of taking care of sick people. I just want to move somewhere warmer.

With that being said, I know that it does not mean that it is going to stop being so cold if we move anywhere, it is just something that I look at and think it could be possible, right? I know that snow is a good thing, and that there is a reason for everything. I just look at just how cold it is. How much snow we have. How I have to keep my children locked up in the house, because of the wind chill. It is not a good situation.

I am also praying for all of the little kids in my neighborhood, and all over that have to walk to school in this weather. There are not school buses because of the lack of money in the system. Therefore, they have to walk because most parents can't take them- for what ever reason- maybe because they have to work. It is so cold, that letting my dog out, I freeze. I can not imagine being a child and having to walk to school in this weather.

I have alot of elderly neighbors who do not shovel the sidewalk, so they either have to walk trough the snow which is about waste deep for a child, or they have to walk in the street which is not safe with the traffic, and the fact that the roads are not completely cleared so they have people slipping and sliding everywhere.

I know that some of the elderly in the neighborhood have had getting out to shovel. It is very high, and heavy, if they go out to shovel, which about half of them will... They are putting their lives at risk.

Snow is beautiful and so dangerous!

Surgery

2009-01-07T09:33:00.000-05:00

I know that there is a reason for everything. The problem that I have is the fact that I am struggling understanding why, when I have been so healthy, I am now being hit with so many different health problems. I understand that most of the problems have to do with my weight. The question that I have, is how to lose all of this extra weight.

I hate being bigger, and I wish that there was something that I can do about it and finally lose the weight and get back to a normal size. I hope and pray to keep strong during this process. I know that one of the biggest virtues that I am lacking is patience. I see that with my children, I see that with my husband, and I see it in the hundreds of failed attempts to lose weight. I get frustrated by the lack of results, and basically start to give up.

Here is a picture of me from my honey moon almost 7 years ago!

Yes I thought that I was fat, but looking at this picture, I looked good.

Here is a picture of me from New Years Day this year

Other than the hair color there is a big difference, over 100 lb difference. I need to do something about this, but every year so far I have said that I am going to do something about it, and end up gaining more weight. How is 2009 going to be different?

I know that one of the ways is the fact that I will have these surgeries that I know will help. I am also working on setting up some good habits, that hopefully will become life long habits.

I want to lose the weight, but I have wanted that in the past. I want to feel good, and again I have wanted that in the past. How can I change everything and become my old size again?

Finding Yourself

2009-01-06T21:22:00.000-05:00

Looking around there is so much that I see. I like to observe others. I hate hurting others, yet I have let others run me over and not take care of myself. This is not a good feeling. I know that there has to be something that I can do to change my life around.

I know that I need to find a way to stick up for myself with out taking away the true me. I know that is not going to be easy. I have always had people running over me and that is something that has caused me to have many difficult years.

Now it is the time to change my life. Now is the time for me to finally realize that I deserve so much more. I am a good person, and through prayer I have seen that. I deserve to be treated well, I just have to believe that I am the person that I say I am.

I know that changing my life needs to start with me. I need to start with what I am doing. I have started taking care of myself. I am exercising, and eating right. That is the first and most important step that I need to take to change my life.

The time is now to change your life, if you are not happy, what is stopping you?

Remember to reach for the moon, if you do you may just land on a star.

I need to do this

2009-01-05T14:03:00.001-05:00

Started working out today. I am thankful that I have had the opportunity to get myself back up and running in the workout department.

I did my Jillian Michaels workout today and it was a great workout. I found a workout group on Spark People and I joined the team and started today, one day off from the rest so that is fine with me. I am also looking at going to Curves today. I need to start working on losing weight, but the problem is getting my butt back in gear to do that. I want to lose weight and feel great. It is so important to me to look and feel normal again.

I have a large goal of losing over 100 lbs this year. Which is a safe goal because it is about 2 lbs a week. I just have to keep myself motivated so that I will finally achieve my goals.

My weight has held me back in so many things! I wanted to be a Tupperware Consultant, and I have a mental block that no one wants to have a party with me because I am fat. I have found that I let others run me over because I will not stick up for myself because of my weight. I am so unhappy. It has caused me to develop Sleep Apnea. I also have found that I just feel I am no one and I don't matter because of my weight. It is terrible to feel this way.

I want to be happy again, I miss being happy. I want to feel confident again, but I have not felt that way in a long time. I want to shop at a normal store, and not have to buy my clothes from special stores any more. I want to feel that I am not worthless, that people are not staring at me because I am fat. I want to feel like I am beautiful again. I want to feel that people are not making fun of me.

I also know that if I want to have any more children I need to lose weight. My body can not handle any more weight, I need to lose weight before thinking about having more children.

I need to stay motivated I need to work hard. I know that I can do it, I need to do it so I can feel like myself again, like I deserve to be alive.

Wonderful little blessings in a day

2009-01-04T21:00:00.000-05:00

It has been such a great day today. I am very thankful for the fact that it was nice enough outside that Ty and I got go outside and clean up the yard, and play for a little while.

I also talked to Brian about getting the Magic Bullet. I have 2 have 2 surgeries, and I have goals set to lose weight, so I am going to be going to start concentrating on eating healthier. I made a delicious smoothie today, so that was so worth the purchase.

I have a clean living room, that feels so welcoming to me. It has been such a long time since I have had a clean room that is inviting and warm. The toys are picked up and I am getting ready to sit down and watch Desperate Housewives before going to bed.

I have had such a great day, and I am so thankful that I am able to start off my week this way. I am planning on going to Curves tomorrow, which is going to kick off my work outs, and get myself back on track with that. I am very excited to go to curves again.

I have a good friend that works out at Ballys and I am also looking at joining there, I think both is going to be a good combination to get me moving. I am planning on going to Ballys tomorrow to get more information.

I am looking forward to more wonderful days like this

New Years Resolution

2009-01-03T12:15:00.000-05:00

The other day I got a phone call from a friend. She was concerned because she heard of a house fire on my mother's street. Luckily it was far enough away from my mother's house that I did not have to worry about something happening to my parents home.

When I got home and saw the fire on the news, I was sad for the family. They were a young family, and their oldest daughter had a 3 month old child. I know that one of my biggest fears that I have is the fact that I want to teach my children the value of waiting until they are married before having sex. I hate seeing that there are so many young people that are in the news that are having babies.

I was also sad because I knew that this family was renting the house so they had to start over. They said that they do not have renters insurance, which is so important, because they have to start over. With the economy the way that it is it is difficult to get things going and started, and they have a long road ahead of them.

In my every day life I have noticed that I am longing for so many different material possessions, they are possessions that we would all love to have. A larger home, better things. After hearing stories like that, I have started thinking that maybe I just need to start focusing on what I have. Being grateful that we have a house. Our children have plenty of clothes and toys and food to eat. We have 2 cars that run just fine. We are blessed, God has given us so much.

Being blessed in the material possessions is wonderful, we are not hurting for anything. Now I am longing to be blessed with the love, with the feeling of self worth. Finding the blessing that I am a special child of God and God has a wonderful plan for me. I want to be someone that has a pure heart. I want to live out his beatitudes.

I have decided that my New Years Resolution is to find the beatitudes that are out there, and find a way that I can start to simply incorporate them into my daily life with simple, small changes.

Good By Christmas Things

2009-01-02T21:54:00.000-05:00

I love Christmas time, however, I can only take so much of my house being out of sorts. Toys everywhere, which I am so grateful that my children are fortunate for receiving, however, now I have the task of finding everything a home.

Tonight I took everything down. I still have to put all of my pictures up and my things back up, but I have my little trinkets out, but other than that I have everything back to the way that I want it.

Christmas is such a wonderful time of the year, however, I have found that it has lost some of its meaning for me lately. I feel that I am constantly having to run here or there, and the pressure of making sure that everyone is happy is becoming more and more difficult. I want to love the holiday, to see what a wonderful time of year it is again, instead of stress, craziness and crabbiness.

To help put the focus back on the wonderful gift of giving I am setting a goal for myself of going through all of the toys that the boys no longer play with and put them together and give them away. I want the boys to come with me and see what it feels like to help other people.

Welcome 2009

2009-01-01T08:35:00.000-05:00

As I am sure that so many others are, they are blogging about 2008 and the good and bad, I am going to do the same. 2008 was a good and a bad year at the same time. Looking back, I would say that over all, I am so glad that it is gone.

The Bad - Glad to see it go!
Gas prices soared, making things really tight around here. We did not do much because we just did not want to have to pay for gas.
I found out the hard way that people who I thought were my friends, really were not my friends
I gained over 40 lbs.
I was diagnosed with PCOS
I found out that I am going to have to go in for 2 surgeries one in January and the other in April.
I was in a head on car accident, everything is ok

The Good
Tyler started Preschool, and loves it. He is doing so well
Nathan turned 1 and is such a big boy
My beautiful Niece was born
My beautiful cousin was born
Tyler finally potty trained, and it was easy
Brian started being able to work from home, saving money on gas
I got to spend some more time with some of my friends who have lost touch with
I joined the PECPTA, and met some new friends

I look forward to 2009, I know that I have learned so much about myself. I have a lot of different things that I need to work on. I am going in for my first surgery on the 16. I know that I want to focus on my children more this year, but most importantly I am going to am going to focus on myself, finding myself and finally losing the weight, feeling better about myself, and knowing that I am not a bad person.

Welcome 2009!

The Note

2008-11-07T12:23:00.000-05:00

My husband was outside working in our shed, and I wanted to tell him something. I sent T outside to give him a note. He told me that he wanted a note so while he was outside I wrote him a quick note. The note said

Tyler, Mommy Loves You, Love Mommy

I folded it up and put his name on the outside of the note. When he came in I gave him that note. His face lit up. He asked me to read it to him, so I did.

He had to keep that note in his back pocket. I went out with some friends and when I got home my husband showed me where the note was. He told me that he was to keep it there to keep the note safe. He was also instructed to make sure that the doors were locked so that no one would steel the note.

A simple note is a great way to reach out to others. I never realised how much this little note that I wrote my son would mean to him.

This made me think, if taking the time to send someone a little note would make them smile. I am sure that a little note could make a person's day. I know as a mom, I am going to during special times put little notes to Ty out so that he will always know that he is loved and feel special.

Teaching

2008-11-05T00:03:00.000-05:00

I love teaching. For me it is a great way to be able to serve God. I work with Eight Graders.
Working with Eith graders has become challenging for me reciently. I am not sure how to get and hold their attention. After being in school all day, they find that they are not able to pay attention or do the work that is neccessary to do well in the class.

I pray that I will teach these students. I pray that something that I am attempting to teach them will stick with them and make a difference in there lives.

It is hard to do a job that you will not be thanked for. A job that is thankless, but might just effect one person in a way that they will be able to live their life beter and more fully

Family & Voting

2008-11-04T20:30:00.000-05:00

Being out at the lake is so relaxing. I know that watching the boys run round and play is nice for myself, but it is also nice for my husband. They love being up at the lake because it is a different place for them to run and play in.

We decided to take the boys to the Toldeo Zoo today. We have never been there, so it was nice to explore a new zoo. I wish my patients was a little more, I think that I would have enjoyed the zoo more. I got a picture of the boys walking and holding hands (I will edit the post and add the picture when I get it off the camera)

After the zoo we took them to the park that my mother-in-law took my husband to growing up and they loved running around playing (again pictures to follow)

We are home now and waiting for the election results. I truely believe no matter what happens we have a historical election and our country is going to see some changes. I just pray that they are good changes!

Election

2008-11-03T22:35:00.000-05:00

I am so thankful for the right to vote and to voice my opinion. My problem is I honestly do not feel that anyone really cares about the vote. I am very interested in seeing who will become the next President. My concern is will they do anything to change.

I understand and agree that we have to do all that we can to help others. My problem is that you can do so much to help others, and still hurt youself. I feel that we feel that we have to constantly go out and help others. Provide food and shelter for everyone, everywhere in the world.

The problem with that is that we are forgetting about the people who live here. The people here in the United States who do not have food or shelter. We are forgetting about taking care of our families because we are too concerned with taking care of everyone else.

I am honestly not sure if it matters who gets elected because who ever has the most money and the loudest voice will be the people heard. If you are struggling now, you will continue to struggle. If you are wealthy you will continue to be wealthy.

What we need is something to be done to fix the problems here first. If we can not fix the problems at home we will never be successful anywhere else!

Family

2008-11-02T12:46:00.000-05:00

Having some quiet time to myself I realised how much children have changed my life. I never thought that I could worry so much about someone else. Even when my children are safe in bed I am constantly worried about them.

I want to make sure that I am doing everything for my children.

I want to teach them how to love someone unconditionally. It is a unique quality to love someone so much.
I want to teach them the value and importance of sharing. I find that sharing is much more than just allowing others to have your toys. It is something that is needed in business.
I want to teach them the importance of trust. That trust is fragile. It must be earned, and it is important to keep. It is also important to trust others, with out getting hurt.

These are not easy lessons. They are lessons tha I still struggle with every day. I want to give my children what they need in this world to be successful

All Saints Day

2008-11-01T10:51:00.000-04:00

I have been thinking today about the meaning of All Saints Day. I know that this is a day that is to honor those who have gone before us. I like to take a few minutes to myself to think about my family members that I miss.

I have been thinking alot about my grandfather lately. I miss him so much. He passed away just before T was born. It has been 4 years, and it seems like yesterday.

I wish he could have got to meet my boys. He would have loved to see them play and run around. I know that he is looking over us and smiling.

Today I am saying a special prayer for everyone we have lost and miss. Today I am thankful for the wonderful members of my family. I know that they are there to help me, love me and guide me.

This is a special day, a day for me to honor so many wonderful people who have touched my life in special ways.

Still Sore

2008-10-15T00:22:00.000-04:00

It has been over a week since my accident, and I am still sore.
I am thankful that it is better at some points in the day. I am just praying and taking it day by day.
I took my car in on Monday to be fixed. Before I took it in it looked like this:

It does not looks so bad, but there is quite a bit of damage on the car. I am thankful that I was put in another Sienna. I love driving my sienna, and I feel very comfortable driving this Sienna as well.

I am also glad that the insurance companies have determined that I was not at fault. I knew that I was not at fault, but I was still nervous weighting.

Looking back this accident has effected me in so many ways.

I had to stop breastfeeding my baby.

I was not emotionally ready for this
He was not emotionally ready for this

I am sore, and doing the simple, everyday tasks has become very difficult for me to do

I have a hard time cooking, cleaning, sitting with my children
Playing with my children

Working out

I can't work out. I have been working hard to lose weight, and now I am at a stand still and I am afraid that I am not going to get back to working out.

Screeching Tires

Every time I hear them I have to stop what I am doing and take a deep breath. This was the sound I heard right before I was hit.

It is just amazing to me that a simple accident that took seconds has effected me in so many ways. I want my life to go back to normal. I want my car back. I want to be able to clean and play with my children with out pain and suffering. I know that one day I will have it again.

I will never take for granted all that I did before. I have seen how things change so quickly.

Car Accident

2008-10-10T23:35:00.000-04:00

Last week my mother and I were in a car accident. It was the scariest moment of my life.
I was sitting at a light, stopped. All of a sudden out of no where a guy turned left, and ran right into the front of my car.
I have had so many different emotions from the accident. I have been scared, sore, sad, angry - just to name a few.
The more I am thinking about the accident, the more that I realise that I am not remembering the entire accident.
I am very thankful that I drive a van. I think that I would have been seriously injured if I did not drive a van.
I was taken to the hospital in my first ambilance ride. I was on a back board with a c-spine collar on.
In the hospital I was waiting, it seemed like forever. Sitting there I was so uncomfortable. But I am lucky I am only suffering from back and neck pain.
One of the hardest decisions I had to make was to force my son to stop nursing. I was not ready to do that, and either was he. I have found that I am going through a lot of emotions because I had to out of no where stop nursing him. But I was given a choice, to take the medication and have some relief, or not take it at all, be in a ton of pain, and still nurse. It was one of the most difficult decisions of my life.
It has almost been a week, and I am in so much pain. Instead of the pain getting better, it is slowly getting worse. I am having a very difficult time sleeping, sitting, standing - actually doing everything that I need to do.
I hope that things will start to get better soon.

Start Of A New Year

2008-09-22T15:39:00.001-04:00

I am very excited to be starting my thrid year as an eight grade Catechist. I have a lot of exciting ideas for this year. For me, eight grade is a challenging year. I love working with this age group. My problem is the feeling, all too often that they just don't car. The feeling that no matter what I am saying that no one is listening.

I am starting this year off differently than I have ever before. I am going to start by preparing weekly. Taking what the students like to do an build on that. I am searching for good christian music that I can introduct to my class. I want music that will touch there lives, and that they are going to enjoy to listen to.

Each Wednesday, sometime during the day I am going to take time to me to say the Rosary. Time to pray that my heart be open to hear the students, and that there hearts be open and allowing the Holy Spirit to enter into there hearts.

I am blessed to be working with 19 young men and women. I know that I have a bunch of challenges ahead of me, but I know that I am up for the challenge. This year I am going learn from my students. I am going to learn to have the Holy Spirit be apart of my lesson plans and apart of my class room.

I am in the final stages of preparation. I am ready for a wonderful and blessed year.

LEt It Go

2008-09-17T10:19:00.001-04:00

Learning lessons in life is a difficult process. I have learned some great lessons!

Stay away from negative people. Negativity spreads quickly. Being negative will get you no where.
True friends will not expect you to do everything for them, they will also do things for you.
If you start to give, and give, and never receive - be cautious
Follow your heart. Trust your heart.
It is better to know, follow and trust God, he will always lead you in the right directions
Forgive all, but never forget
Forgive the people who as for forgiveness, and the people who do not ask for forgiveness.

Life is too short to hold on to everything. Let you hear be free. Know that you can grow!

Always Remember

2008-09-11T11:37:00.001-04:00

7 years ago, I was sitting in my office and working. I remember hearing someone say that a plane it the World Trade Center. I also remember not thinking much about it. Then I started seeing more and more people walk past my office going to the conference room.

I decided to follow. That is when I realized the impact that this event would have on my life and everyone's life around me. I got in the conference room just in time to watch the second plane hit the second tower. We all sat there in awe. Wondering what happened and why it was happened. I was in shock, not knowing what to think or do. I went to my parents house to eat lunch thinking that it was the end of the world.

I was scared, not sure what to think about. I remember watching television and watching the death count rise. Hearing about the heroes that had lost their lives, just doing their jobs. I started thinking of all of the children who had lost one or both of their parents.

As a result, much has changed in seven years. I am now married with two children. I have been very lucky to not have been effected by this tragic event, because I did not lose a loved one. I have been effected by how I live my life, and the feeling of being scared every time a plane fly over my house.

We are at war, many men and women losing their lives for our freedom. However, seven years later I am wondering if we have lost the reasoning why we are there. If we are just fighting, to fight. So many Americans have lost the will to fight this war.

We need to protect ourselves, but why not protect ourselves on our boarders? With the Presidential election coming up, we have a big decision to make. Who do we want to lead our country? Who is going to make changes in how we live?

I know that when I cast my vote, I am going to make sure to keep one thing in mind - the events of 7 years ago, and now we can make a change.

I have come to realize

2008-09-07T21:25:00.000-04:00

Looking around me today I realized so many things...

1. I've come to realize that my legs... carry me, through everything - good and bad

2. I've come to realize that my job... is wonderful, stressful, happy, amusing,

3. I've come to realize that when I'm driving... I am telling Tyler to stop talking - he is just like his mother

4. I've come to realize that I need..... to have a stronger Faith, and Self- Esteem

5. I've come to realize that I have lost....who I was; But found who I am

6. I've come to realize that I hate it when....I am not listened to; When Nathan has to pinch my nipple to fall asleep; when Brian gets to sleep in and I have to get up with the kids - yet again

7. I've come to realize that when I'm drunk.... I get sentamental

8. I've come to realize that money....always seems to disappear as you find it

9. I've come to realize that certain people.... just don't understand me

10. I've come to realize that I'll always be..... emotional, sentimental and have trouble spelling

11. I've come to realize that I have...I have a great family who I love more than everything; a sister who is my best friend; and children that just want to make me smile

12. I've come to realize that my mom...is a hero to me

13. I've come to realize that my cell phone... is amazing, I would be lost without it

14. I've come to realize that when I woke up this morning... I want to be a better person

15. I've come to realize that last night before I went to sleep.... my arms were sore from giving Brian a massage. He is an amazing and caring man. I am lucky to have him and all of his faults

16. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking about... working - I have to get blogs completed; If I want another cup of coffee; and if Nathan is a monkey

17. I've come to realize that my sister... is an amazing mother, friend. I would be lost with out her

18. I've come to realize that when I get on the internet... It is to work or get away from reality

19. I've come to realize that today... is going to be a fresh start, so make the most of it

20. I've come to realize that tonight....will mean working again...

21. I've come to realize that tomorrow.....starts a new week;

22. I've come to realize that I really want to....Be myself; Be happy; Be healthy and Be a good mother to my children.

Preschool Started

2008-09-04T22:02:00.000-04:00

Today is my son's first day of Preschool. I was nervous all morning. I was thinking about everything that had to be done.
Would I get him to school on time?
Would he be o.k. with out mommy?
Would he have fun?
Would he make friends?
Would he share?
Would he cry?

These among so many other questions were going through my head. He was so excited when we got there. He jumped out of the car when I dropped him off and ran right to the teacher. He had a big smile on his face. Not once did he stop to turn around and look at mommy.

I had so many mixed feelings. Part of me wished he wanted mommy more. But the bigger part of me made me realise that he is growing up. He is turning into such a wonderful little boy. I have been told so many times tha the is so polite. I am so proud of him.

I know he had fun. I hope he knows just how proud mommy is of him!

Birthdays

2008-09-01T22:08:00.000-04:00

The end of August and begining of September is time birthday time. My mother, Father and Sister all have birthdays in the a two week period. It is a busy but exciting time.

For my parents we got them both a Tshirt with all of the grandkids picture on it and tote bages also with a picture of the grandkids on it.

I am excited because for my sister's birthday I am going to offer to take a family picture for them and print out pictures for them.

I love birthdays. It is such a fun time to spend and celebrate another year of life.

Sad to say goodbye

2008-08-30T22:12:00.000-04:00

With one part of my life gone it is hard to say good bye. I decided to let the MOMS Club chapter dissolve. I can not do it alone.

I have met so many people in the MOMS Club that have changed my life. Some have walked through it and left an impression. Others have stayed and have made a special place in my heart.

I had some of the best times of my life in that group. I believe that God put them in my life to help me find that I am stronger than I give myself credit for.

I believe that God took them out of my life because he wanted me to be myself and learn and grow. I know that no matter what happens, there is aways a reason. I am stronger now than I was in the past. I know who I am and who I want to be.

Juggling a new job

2008-08-27T23:36:00.000-04:00

I have been feeling overwhelmed alot lately. I have decided to start working from home. I have jumped in head forst with 3 seperate jobs and the possibility of a couple of more jobs. Sometimes I wonder if I am crazy.

I do this because I want to provide my family with the best. It is so scary when there are so many different expenses that come up on a monthly basis. We have birthdays coming up. And don't forget about Christmas.

I feel blessed that I was able to find a work from home job. I just wish I could find a balance with everything I am doing I have been struggling this month, taking on so much more than I can handle. I now know that I am doing it for a reason.

I look forward to September. I am looking to start to scale down what I am doing. I have not had much time to spend with my children this month. I want to find a balance between working, sleep and my family. I know that it can get done. It is just going to tak a little time for me to figure it out.

Finally starting to feel happy

2008-08-21T23:03:00.000-04:00

What a difference a couple of months make. I have had so many changes in my life, I am just amazed. I have learned that my life is finally taking a path I believe I should have been on. I am working which I have not done in a while. I am just amazed on how much I missed it. While I am working from home, and it has added a level of stress to my life, but it is worth it. I love it.

I have decided that I am not ment to be president of the MOMS Club. I love the organization, but because of the recient events I believe that MOMS Club is not what this area, or I need. I am still acting as an Area Coordinator, and I am glad for that, I love volunteering for this organization. I miss going out with the ladies. Tyler misses playing with the kids. I feel so bad for him. He was not involved in anything and the poor kid no longer has the friends that he was closest too. But he does have a few.

I know that I want to see my son succeed. I am so happy that he will be starting school here soon. That is going to be so much fun for him. I am so excited. He will be able to make some new friends and that will be great for him. I think that he needs this time. I am looking forward to it too. I want to see what he learns.

I believe that I have been put on a new path in my life for a reason. What the reason is I am not sure. I know that God will give me that answer when he is ready. I want to be his servent. I want to live my life in the way he would want me to.

As one of my favorite songs says -
Here I am Lord, Is it I Lord, I have heard you calling in the night
I will go Lord if you lead me....

One door closes, another will open...

2008-08-16T00:56:00.000-04:00

I have been struggling alot lately. With what I am doing and why. I have found that something has been missing in my life. I had no clue what. I have a beautiful family:

Two wonderful kids that make me so proud. My husband had to take on a lot so that I could stay at home and raise our wonderful boys. But I still felt that I was missing something in my life.

I joined a moms club thinking that would help, and it did for a while, and then I found myself being run over by others. I would do anything for anyone. I wanted to make other people happy and have them like me. But I found out something very interesting... It did not matter, two short years later, they are no longer part of my life. I found myself back at square one.

Everything happens for a reason. The experience I had with the moms club I learned that I am much stronger that I ever imagined. I learned that people won't like you for giving in, that they will respect you for being yourself. What an important lesson to learn.

I felt that all the doors around me were closed and there were no windows. So I started to pray. I prayed a novena. I prayed every day. I for the first time in my life, not only made time for God, and not just a little time, but in many cases I found a way to thank him for every little things I did, from doing laundry to eating a healthy meal. Putting God first started to change my life. It improved my life. It made a difference in my life.

Now I am happier than I have ever been, or could ever be. I found a new group that I am excited to join. I can start over again with a clean slate. The difference this time... I will be myself. I will have fun. I will get to know everyone. I found a job. A job that I love. I am still able to stay at home and raise my children, but now I can make some money.

I could not ask for anything more. I am happier in my life now than I have ever been. I know that by finally realizing that I need to put God first in all that I do that I will make a difference in my life. A difference that is just going to help me grow. I know that some days are going to be rough, but I also know that I can over come it and I will make a difference

Another Door Will always open

2008-08-14T23:54:00.000-04:00

I have been struggling alot lately, between my PPD and everything that blew up with my chapter of MOMS club and the women that I thought were my friends. I had alot of very difficult months. I did not know if I was going to make it out. I was badly bruised, and hurting.

I have learned alot about myself from this experience.

I have learned that you can try to be what others want you to be, but in the end it will show that you are not being yourself.
I have learned that it does not matter if you continue to give to others that they will not respect you in the end. You can not keep giving, because they will just run you over and not care.
Be yourself. People will either like you or not like you for who you are and it does not matter. Be true to yourself.
Make decision that will make you happy. Don't worry about what other think, because in the end it does not matter anyways.
Be true to your faith. Be proud. People don't have to join you, but you don't have to join them either.

I am still healing and some cuts are very deep and will need time to heal. But I have picked up most of the pieces and I am ready to start over again.

I am looking forward to what the future holds. It can only get better and brighter. I know that my life will only get better from here

Saying goodbye

2008-08-13T21:24:00.000-04:00

One of my friend's Aunt passed away today. Last week she passed out at work. They found she had an aneyrsm in her brain. They knew they had to do surgery to try to stop the bleeding. But in surgery they could not fix the problem. Now they had to clamp off the artery. She went into a coma and never woke up. She died while donating her organs so that others could live.

I remember when I was growing up over the summer going with my friend to stay at her house for a week. I had so much fun there. We went swimming. We took a walk to get ice cream. She welcomed me into her house. What a generous person. She treated me like I was her child.

She is going to be missed.

This brough up alot of different feelings in my life. My grandmother passed away when I was 5 of the same thing. She had a Brain Aneyrsm. I don't remember much of her. I also have been told stories of my aunt who died at the age of 17 of the same thing. My father was the one who carried her down out of her bed so that the ambliance could take her to the hospital.

How do you say goodbye? God gives us so many different blessings, one is to touch the lifes of others. One is to be touched. My life is better because they have touched me.

Nothing better

2008-08-09T09:07:00.000-04:00

One of my favorite times of the day is the mornings. Having such a specilal times with my kids. They love to cuddle with me and hug and kiss me. There is nothing more special than take the time to spend with the kids. Not worrying about anything else that needs to be done for the day.

There is nothing more important than taking that time with kids. I love having this time.

Prayers

2008-08-06T23:43:00.000-04:00

I have been praying the Rosary Novena for myself the past 9 days. I am doing the 54 day Novena. I have found out that a friend's Aunt had to go in for brain surgery. This has all happened over the past 2 or 3 days. She is in a coma currently so I have decided that from now until God's plan for her is revelaed that I am going to continue with my novena and dedicate it to her.

I remember as a young teen going with my friend to spend some time at her aunt's house. I think that we were there for a week. I had so much fun. Her Aunt is one of the most generous people that I have ever met. We walked up to an ice cream store. I still remember having fun with her.

I pray for her to recover. I pray that this coma is just what her body needs to heal. I pray for her children and husband that they will find peace and understanding. I pray for her whole family that they will find that during this time that Jesus is there holding them. I pray for God to heal her and to be with her during this difficult time.

Playing together

2008-08-05T23:42:00.000-04:00

I love watching my children play together. It is amazing how each passing day they interact more and more. I love watching them together.

I have to laugh because Tyler is always trying to get Nathan to laugh. For the most part he plays so well with is brother. It is a great feeling. They love each other.

I know that they say imitation is the best form of flattery, well if that is the case, Nathan takes the cake. When Tyler is tired he will sit down and rub his nipples, or play with is belly button. He does it while he is drinking.

Now Nathan picks up his up and is doing the same thing. How cute.

I love watching them play together

Novena

2008-08-04T14:06:00.000-04:00

I have not posted updates from me doing my novena. But I am doing well so far. I am proud of myself. I have made time every day to say my rosary. I feel great. I am so glad I decided to start doing this.

Day 3

2008-07-31T22:29:00.000-04:00

Yesterday marked day three of my Rosary Novena. I had along day. While on vacation I found out I got a new position writing. But it requires alot of writing. Because I am on a trial period it is important to me to make sure that I do a good job. So when I finished writing I decided that it was time to go to bed.

I remembered that I was doing the novena, so I took the time before bed to say my rosary. I am so glad that I did. I know that I need to make more time in my life for God, and by doing this I am able to do this. I can take 30 minutes out of my busy day for him.

I am very excited that the novena has become a success for me

Vacation with the Family

2008-07-29T23:22:00.000-04:00

After a long day, I am setteling down and getting ready to go to bed. I look at he past couple of days and I realise that my vacation would not have been so much fun if things were different. Having the time with everyone has been wonderful, you could say even amazing.

I got to get to know my brother in law so much better. He is a lot of fun, and such a great father. The way he looks at his little girl is amazing.

My sister got to get some rest that she needed and to see her look so well rested was great.

Seeing my parents have so much fun with there grandchildren was wonderful. I am so glad that they are here to play with them, and have fun with them. It is wonderful that my children have grandparents who are so involved in there lives. I just don't know where I would be with out them.

Being able to spend time with my Grandma is wonderful. I have enjoyed it so much. These are moments that I will never get back and I am so glad that we were able to do that. Watching my boys interact with her is so wonderful.

This is a great place to be. Relaxing by the lake!!!

Day 2

2008-07-29T22:13:00.000-04:00

I got some time this afternoon I got sometime to pray. I was so relaxed, and it was so nice. I actually fell asleep after I was done, and doing some relection.

Sun Set

2008-07-29T11:27:00.000-04:00

Vacation is wonderful. We have had such a relaxing trip. We took a sunset trip on the boat, and we got some beautiful pictures:

Just a beautiful picture.

God shares some beauty with us!

Start Over again

2008-07-28T17:09:00.001-04:00

So I have a hard time with following through with somethings. So here it goes. I missed a day with my novena, so I started over. I missed yesterday, so I woke up this morning and said my first day for the novena.

Starting habits are hard to do but I am glad that I am trying to do it. I will do it. I can do it.

Quiet

2008-07-27T07:31:00.000-04:00

I have to say as much as I wish I could sleep in, it is so nice that I am getting up early with nathan and enjoying the quiet.  Coffee is already made.  I can blog for a few minutes.  I get the time to myself.  What a great feeling.

It is not often that I get to take time for myself.  It is not often that many of us can stop to take time for ourselves.  It is hard when we all need that time.  It is our time for prayer, for centering, for letting things go.  It is so important for our well being, for our soul.  

The quiet is so nice. I feel very blessed to have the quiet. I recommend if you don't already - take some time to step back and take some time for quiet in your life

Feeding my spiritual hungar

2008-07-26T16:32:00.001-04:00

In my last post I said that I was going to for the first time do a 54 day novena for the rosary. I did my research and I sat down today to start it. It was a great feeling. To be able to take the time for Mary and to take the time to pray. This is time for me to build my faith. Time for me to grow closer to Mary. Time for me to grow closer to God. And time for me to grow closer to Jesus.

I have been feeling this hungar for a while and I am very excited that I am finally going to be able to feel satisfied. I am taking it one day at a time. Remembering why I am doing it. I am going to look forward to saying the rosary every day so that I can grow closer with God, and so that I can fill the void in my heart.

To help keep myself motivated I am going to post each day, how I feel with praying the Rosary!

Hungry for God?

2008-07-25T07:07:00.000-04:00

I have decided that I need to bring the Rosary back into my life. We had a long car ride and I was starting to feel unsettled, so I decided to take the time to pray the rosary. That was one of the best decisions that I could have made.

So far it was a very stressful trip, the kids were crabby, it just seemed to drag along. I was listening to a Rosary Army Catholic Show Podcast and Jennifer was talking about doing a 54 day novina. So I have decided that this might be something that I should do. They were talking about a spiritual hungar, which made me think. Looking back now I think that I have been feeling this way for a while, but I just never knew it. The "symptoms" that she had listed are ones that I have been feeling for a while now.

I feel so blessed this episode could not have come at a better time in my life. I just started praying the rosary, I am still learning. I am sure that there are times that I don't do it right, but I know that as long as I am trying that I am doing my best that I will learn and that is all that matters.

So now on to my research on how to do a 54 day novina. I am very intersted and I know nothing about this idea. I have been feeling this spiritual hunger for a while and now it is time to feed my soul!

Lake House

2008-07-24T07:35:00.001-04:00

We are getting ready to go on vacation for the week. My husband's family has a lake house. How wonderful that we can go on a week vacation - It costs us gas and food. What a nice thing to do. We are right on the water. The boys love being able to play outside. I love sitting in the water and relaxing.

We have everything that we have at home. Internet, cable TV, telephone, so it is just like being at home.

It is so beautiful.

A Mother's Gift

2008-07-23T15:52:00.000-04:00

I often wonder how a mother can stay well while her children are sick. Both of my kids got sick. Nate was running a 102.5 fever. He still has the cold symptoms. His poor little nose is bright red. I have to keep cleaning it out and doing sailene drops to help keep him clear. Tyler has been coughing and just acting more clingie - which he does when he is not feeling well. Brian is not feeling well, he sounds terrible and you can see in his eyes he is just not feeling well.

I have to take care of my children, and take care of the house, and get everything ready for vacation. I am amazed with staying up as late at night as I have been, that I have not come down with anything *Knocking on wood*

It just amazes me that mothers will stay well to take care of there families. How does our bodys know that we need to be healthy during this time? What makes us different?

My thoughts on this are simple - God made us that way. He made us have the ability to fight off the germs that our children have so that we can take care of them and still get everything done that we need to do. He did this because we need to be strong.

So Thank you God for letting me take care of my sick family and keeping me healthy!!

Lets Get Ready

2008-07-22T10:32:00.001-04:00

We are getting ready to go on our week away. I love going away, but preparing is another story. Laundry has to be done. I hate keeping up with laundry. And of course someone has to wear something that they will need so I always have to do a last minute load.

The dog has to have all of his things together so that he can go to the kennel. That means packing all of his food into individual bags, with his name on them. Getting his pills ready and anything else I want to bring for him.

Don't forget to clean up the house before you leave. Nothing worse than coming home to a messy house. So I make sure that everything is cleaned up. The trick is to do this with kids playing and messing while cleaning.

Litter boxes need to be cleaned. I hate cleaning those out, they smell so bad. But they need a good cleaning before leaving. I try to make sure that is as last minute as possible.

Then packing. Making sure that you have enough cloths for the boys, expecially Ty because he is potty training and still has accidents now and again. Making sure that any "special" toys and blankets are ready and easily found. Don't forget my sleep apnea machine and other things like that. And of the most important thing - The lap top and camera, LOL.

Now time to clean out the car. Yes clean out the car. I try to keep it clean. Before I had kids my car was spotless, now a completely different story. We have to take all of the junk out of the car to fill the car up with everything we need to bring with us.

We need to make sure that the potty seat is easily accessable for Ty just in case he has to go as we are traveling. Hopefully not, but better safe than sorry.

So now that I have written about what I need to do, time to do it...

To Forgive...

2008-07-21T09:30:00.000-04:00

Things have changed in my life a lot recently. Through these changes I have learned many things about myself. I have also learned that forgiving someone is not for there benefit, it is for yours. And forgiveness can be given if people don't ask for, just if you are willing to do it. Forgiveness is not easy, but it is worth it. I know I feel so much better when I take the time to to just forgive them.

But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses.
Mark 11:25-27

We need to forgive one and other. So I have been asking for help to be able to forgive others. It is not an easy task, but it is a task that is neccessary.

“To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.”
Robert Muller quotes

So I am working on asking for others to forgive me, but mostly that I forgive others. People that don't even know that they need to be forgiven. People that you no longer talk to. It is amazing how forgivness can raise your spirit. Make you feel great.

I suggest that you try it... Just forgive one person and see how you feel when it is all over.

Party Time

2008-07-20T12:02:00.000-04:00

We had our little get together yesterday to celebrate Nate's birthday. It was such a nice day. Warm, but great to have the kids get in the pool and swim. the weather held out all day. It was beautiful. Kids were running around playing outside and having a great time.

We had a cook out. Simple food, hambugers and hotdogs. Very nice time.

My children are so blessed we had my grandmother and my husband's grandmother with us to celebrate Nathan's birthday. How nice to have 4 generations there to celebrate. It is so nice to have our grandparents around to be apart of our children's lives.

It was so nice to see my cousins, my god children, my niece and my children all playing together. The adults were talking and having a good time.

When the heat got to much outside we were able to come in and play inside. We have so many toys that there was something for all of the children to play with. The dog even had a good time going in and out.

It was so nice to have everyone here to celebrate and have a good time.

My Rating...

2008-07-18T20:51:00.002-04:00

Movie Reviews

Wow, how fun.

Speeding Time

2008-07-18T09:38:00.000-04:00

Wow a year goes by so quickly. I remember being a child and thinking how long the summer was. That waiting for a special day seemed to take forever. Waiting for my birthday was an eternity. I never thought that a year would pass.

Then came highschool. The days started to go by faster. Events would come just a little faster. But waiting for swim meets or to turn 16 so that I could drive still took forever. Being excited about going out with friends seemed to take forever. Christmas and summer vacations seemed to fly by at the time but looking back they were not that fast.

Then came college. The days started to get shorter. Having time to fit everything in became a little more difficult, but somehow everything would fit in. The days went at a good pace. Time for everything was there.

Here came my 20's and some how the same 24 hours I had in my teens or when I was a child seemed to speed up. It was almost like time changed. It is amazing how things start to speed up. Then I got married and had added some bigger responsibility in my life, and again time started to speed up. Two years later our first son was born, and again time speeded up. Two years later our youngest son was born, and the same thing happened again.

Now I am 30. My baby is 1. The past year has gone by in a flash. I don't know what happened. How does time magically speed up? What happened? Time is amazing.

When I stop to think about it, the more responsibility I have the faster time goes. The more that I have to do in a day the faster time goes. The more that I have to do the less time I have to do it in.

Now the secret is to find out how to make time slow down!

The Computer - Part 2 Lost with out it

2008-07-17T11:56:00.000-04:00

I have a lap top and I absolutley love it. It is a great investment. I love the fact that when we go places it can go with me. I just don't know what I would do with out it. Expecially with all of the places that now offer free wifi. Places like coffee shops, McDonalds, malls, airports, hotels, ect... almost everywhere I go I find a business that offeres it. It is amazing that everywhere you go you can find free internet access. The laptop allows you to do so much.

Yesterday I was with out my laptop. We had to wipe it clean and start over again because of a problem with Outlook. I like usin outlook and have not found another e-mail client that I liked for what I need it to do. So I was with out my laptop all day.

It was nice to be able to spend the time with my boys. We do have a desk top so I was able to do somethings, but nothing like what I do with my Laptop. I have it back again, and now the tedious job of re-install everything, putting everything back. We did a back up of everything, but you still have to set up the little things, so that it is how you like it.

So one day with out my computer made me feel lost. I felt like I had lost a limb. I never realized how dependent on the computer I really am until it was gone. I could not talk to my friends on plurk or twitter. I felt like I was missing something.

But on the other hand I got to spend the days with my boys. I did not have to check my e-mail, or tell the wait mommy has something to do. It was nice to be able to play with my children.

But I feel better that I am back to feeling normal. I have my computer back. I can get things done again. I am glad to have everything back.

Computer - Part 1 The Blessings!

2008-07-16T09:22:00.003-04:00

The invention and evolution of computers is really amazing. You can organize you life on a computer. Keep all of your information at you finger tips. You can access information in a matter of seconds. It has made businesses more efficient, allowing them to access information with a touch of a button, instead of going through mountains and mountains of paper work. We are saving the environment because we don't have to print out everything. We can read it on the computer. We save money because we can keep in touch with people all over the world in a matter of seconds.

I really don't know how I grew up with out a computer. It just does not seem possible. I rely on the computer to organize, record events, save pictures, talk to friends. It is a great tool, that I could not live with out.

We have the internet. We can search for anything we need to, and find hundred or thousands of websites with information about that topic. You can find games, educational and ones just for fun. You can look up medical information about problems. You can keep track of your finances. The computer will do almost anything for you.

With all of the social media you can talk to people all over the world, that you would have never met any other way. You can find people who have similar interests. You can have find people to help you with anything. Talk to them instantly through social media sites such as plurk, twitter, friendfeed, just to mention a few. You can play games with them on sites like facebook. Share about your life on Myspace. You can talk to people with the same religion on 4marks.

I have learned so much though podcasts. They are wonderful because you can find one on any topic, and learn information. There are hundreds and thousands of people who have put out information on podcasts. Don't forget about blogs, they also share so much great information.

Email is a great tool. You can contact people at anytime of the day, ask questions, talk about anything. They can respond when they have time. You can keep in touch with friends that you may not be able to call. I love the fact that if I can't sleep I can talk to a friend because I am not waking them up, and they can respond when they can.

Computers have really changes my life. Being able to do so much is so much fun. I can't wait to see what comes out next!

Taking time for Children

2008-07-15T15:26:00.001-04:00

As my boys get older I often forget that they are still little boys. It is so hard to realize that my 3 1/2 year old is only 3 1/2. He is such a big boy. He is very tall for his age, and his face make him look like he is at least 5. I never realized how hard it is to remember ages, when he is so big. I expect so much more of him because he looks so old. With having his younger brother around, and having him be so dependent on me, that I want my older guy to be more independent. I forget that he is not that independent.

I find that sometimes it is just so important to take a few minutes out of my busy day to sit down and cuddle with my children. Read a book with them. Play with them. Listen to them. Taking the time to put them first is not an easy task. I often want to get so many things done that I forget that my children are there. I get angry when I want to do something and they are in the way. It is so easy to do that.

I find that by taking the time and letting them help me, it makes such a difference. It might take longer, alot longer at times, but in the long run it really doesn't. I don't have to yell as much. I don't have to get angry with him.

He just wants to help mommy, it is so important to him to make mommy proud. The smile on his face when he helps.

I have to remember that my children are my world. They love me no matter what happens. They are so easy to forgive, and forget.

It takes two

2008-07-15T08:22:00.000-04:00

Before having children, I never knew how much I would appreciate being able to sleep in on the weekends, have an uninterrupted night of sleep. I remember complaining because I had to get up and get ready for work. Feeling like I did not get any sleep at all. I was so rested.

Sleep is so important to so many things. Having a lack of sleep can effect, concentration, the ability to "keep your cool," weight loss, and so much more.

With the receint weight gain I have had, I have been diagnosed with Sleep Apnea, adn I have to wear a mask at night to keep my oxygen level at night up. Which is great when I get a full night of uninterruped sleep. What a great feeling. I feel refreshed. But that does not happen often.

With the kids getting up, I am unable to wear my mask all night, even half of the night. I am so tired most of the time that it is hard for me to really be a good mom. I have been working on getting more sleep but that is hard to do most of the time.

With all of the struggles I am going through my husband has been wonderful to help me out. He is really stepping up to make it so that I can get some sleep. I don't know what I would do without him. We are such a team. He understands and does his best to make sure that I can start to get back into a routine. I try to make sure he can sleep in on the weekends and help him out that way. Having children is a hard job and it requires both parents. I have to say I don't know how single parents do it.

MOMS Club Meeting

2008-07-13T11:38:00.000-04:00

I have been a member of MOMS Club of Parma for the past 2 years. I love being a MOMS Club Member. What a wonderful support group. As of reciently our chapter has been going through a tough time. Actually most of the chapter left. I was very upset at first. I did not want to see it disband so I took over the president's position. I think that this is the best thing I could have done.

Right now we only have 4 members, but we have people looking into our chapter so we are a work in progress. I struggled at the first meeting. I wanted to run things like they were run in the past, but I realzed that it did not work well, so things have to change. So that is what I am doing. I am working on changing that. I guess the best way to put it is that I am working on changing myself. It will be a good change I truely believe that. I know that by trying and keep trying I will be able get the chapter back into the glory that it once had.

It is hard because I was friends with most of the people that left, but I guess this is for the best. I finally feel that I can be myself, I don't have to put up a front to get people to like me. I know now that I will not make any friends by being a monkey, but I will make them by being myself.

So anyways, the meeting went well, and I feel we are off to a good start. I am now working on planning out August and getting people to help me to join the board and grow our chapter. I know I can do it!!

Fourth of July

2008-07-09T12:32:00.002-04:00

What a wonderful weekend. We got to spend some time with my inlaws. We were there for the 4th of July. It was a fun time watching all of the kids play together. They were running, swimming, and playing. T was youngest of the kids that were running around. But he played well with them. It is hard because he is so tall and yet is just a little shorter than all of the rest of the kids. He is 3 years younger than the next closest to his age. It was so much fun watching him play with the kids. I did not know that gender separation starts so young. The boys basically played together and the girls played together. But they all had so much fun. I can't wait to see what happens as they get older. There were three little ones that were crawling or just sitting there. That was fun watching them play together, or I should say next to each other. They were so cute. You could tell what toys were at hit - the empty water bottles. I often wonder why we spend so much money on toys when kids like toys like boxes and empty bottles better, but that is another blog all together. I can't believe how big my children are getting. Watching T play with other children is so much fun. It is amazing how each year things change so much. They are so much more fun as they get older. Watching there imagination grow and develope is so much fun.

Blessings From Within Podcast

2008-07-06T20:28:00.000-04:00

Episode 3 Is now Ready

I can make it through

2008-07-01T15:41:00.004-04:00

I have a lot of changes in my life as of lately. I know in my heart that they are for the better. That by no means make them any easier. I have had people who I thought were my friends just turn out not to be. I have had many days of crying and feeling a lot of self pity. I have had many days of eating anything just to help fill in the hurt.

I have been praying for help. I have been praying that I can be strong and I can make it through. I put my entire life into God's hands for the first time. I trusted that God would help guide me through the rough spots. I have a hard time trusting that anyone will help take care of me, and that things will work out.

I am amazed that by the trust that I put in God. By the faith, I have pulled through. I feel comfortable. I feel at peace. I know that I will make it through anything.

While there days I feel that I am starting over, I know that it is for the best. I am so much happier than I have ever been in my life. My boys are starting to see a mommy that is happy, and that is a wonderful feeling. I am appreciating what I have more than I ever have before. I know that I will make it through everything.

Desperate Housewife?

2008-06-30T13:35:00.002-04:00

One of the shows I love to watching. I love to think about which of the housewives I would be. I love that show because of the fact I have a little of each of the woman inside of me.

Bre - I love to have my house tidy. I have found that outward appearances can be very important to me. People have such different opinions, and it is important to hold it together for them and keep the real me inside. I have a heart of gold. I volunteer to help everyone.

Gabby - I love to shop. I love expensive things. I want to have the newest and best of things. I will fight to the death for what I believe in.

Lynette - I feel that I am behind the 8 ball all the time. I am exhausted chasing after my kids. My family is the most important thing to me and I will protect them at all costs.

Susan - I feel that everything I try to do just goes wrong. I get caught in the most award situations. I need the people in my life and love them more than they will ever know or understand.

Each of these woman are incredible, they fight for what the believe in and do there best to protect there family. If I could have half of there fight then I know I am an incredible woman as well. Striving to be the best that I can each day and knowing that I am doing what I feel is right, never looking back because it was exactly what I wanted at one point in time, and that is all that matters.

Blessings From Within Podcast

2008-06-29T22:25:00.002-04:00

Episode 2 is now ready to be listened to.... Check it out...

Shopping

2008-06-29T08:54:00.002-04:00

The other day I was at the store and getting ready to check out. I decided because I did not have much in my cart that I would go to self check out. I hate the self check out because people can't handle using them, or they have too much. I just don't have the patience for people to sit there trying to check out for 30 min for 3 items. But I decided to try it.

The lady in front of me forgot something, and decided that she just had to go back to get it. All of the lines in the store were long, and there was a line behind me. I was next. She had a little girl in the cart with her. Instead of finishing up she left the line, not allowing anyone to go in front of her because she was in the middle of checking out. She start to walk away leaving her child in the cart.... Her daughter was probably only 3. Just was going to leave her by herself...... Then she stopped, looked at her daughter and sat there a while and though if she should go back and get her. I was amazed. After a minute of thinking she finally decided that she should take the little girl with her and when back to get what she was missing. She was gone a couple of minutes shopping again. I could not believe it.

I know that some days you just have to get things done. But I am amazed that people don't think. I am amazed that people can be so inconsiderate of others. I was in a rush, and I was amazed that she did it.

I am thankful that I would never have to think about leaving my children, that would never even cross my mind. I would never have to make that kind of decision, my children would go with me. I feel blessed because of the conscience I have. I feel blessed that I have the ability to think and know right from wrong. I pray for patience for people who still need to learn it.

Changing perspective

2008-06-27T10:11:00.004-04:00

My children know how to make mommy so mad. Push each and every button. Fustrate me. Make me wonder why I choose to become a mother. Each day make me wonder about every decision I have made the past couple of years. Each day is a struggle... Guess what, it is the most amazing experience in my life. I have never been so angry, so sad, so happy, so fustrated, so excited, so proud, and the list goes on and on. Each day I experience most if not all of these emotions.

I ask for a break, but when I am away I wonder what they are doing. I am amazed every day what they can do and how they learned it.

Children are amazing. Watching them experience new things. The every day experience that I take for granted makes me feel great, to watch them through the eyes of my children. To experience things new again, is an experience only a parent can relate to. To have the trust, the love, the amazement that a child has is an amazing experience.

God does this to remind us not to take for granted what we have. To see the amazing creatures, and things that are in this world. Looking at the moon before we had children was nothing special.... but now to see the different shapes is amazing. To see how one night it is so bright and the next not so much. The different colors it can be. Or taking a look at the falling leaves. Before kids they were a burden. You had to clean them up. They got into gutters, and were slippery. They never seem to end. Watching the eyes of my son light up to experience the different colors it is amazing. Playing in a freshly raked pile is so much fun. The laughter, the smiles it is all worth it.

When you start feeling like the magic is out of every day life, try looking at the day through a new perspective... ones of a child.

Finding a Balance

2008-06-26T22:57:00.004-04:00

I realized a lot today. I love the computer and I love technology. I have let it start to take over my life. I have a love of learning, and learning new things is one of the biggest benefits of the internet. I have a need to make friends. How quickly we can make friends by being on the internet? I listen to podcasts, and after hearing the podcasters for weeks you start to think about them as people you find in your every day life. While they are, for me it is a part of reality, a reality. Everything I have found on the internet has enhanced my life in so many ways.

I am starting my own podcast... Why because I want to. I want to pass along and touch others lives in the same ways that the podcasters that I listen to have touched mine. I want to blog, again to share my thoughts and feelings with everyone. I love social media, talking to everyone on plurk and on twitter... but hey.... I am forgetting someone.....

Yep I have noticed something. I am forgetting someone, or a few someones.... My family. I have let myself go. I spend all of my free time on the computer. I wait for e-mails to come in. I am addicted to the internet, to my email and to my social networking friends. I am leaving my family behind me. I am not taking care of them like I should. My house is a mess, my children are acting out because they miss me. My husband keeps making comments about the fact I am on the computer all the time.

What a blessing, I can start to work to step away, to find a balance. To make my first priority be my family, and my job as a mom, and have the rest just be icing on the cake. I can start to learn balance. It is something that is just an amazing ability we have a people.

Quote

2008-06-26T09:33:00.000-04:00

Watching Children Play

2008-06-25T14:59:00.004-04:00

It is a wonderful feeling to find your children playing by themselves. I know that sitting here watching them play is a wonderful feeling. I am so amazed that not only can they play together, but each of them can play on there own. I love that feeling. Watching Captain N watch is brother and then start doing the same motions is such an amazing feeling. He loves to watch his brother play. But at the same time, the things he comes up with on his own.

I often wonder why we spend so much money on some of these toys because my children have so much more fun with a laundry basket, pots and pans, a box and my Tupperware. Not that the trucks that they have are not fun for them to play with, but they love playing with things that are not "toys."

I often think about all of the "advantages" we have for our children. Our tv, games, computers, game systems, cable is really an advantage. What are they learning? We have so many wonderful tools at our fingertips, but at the same time where is the imagination going? I really wonder.

I know as a parent, especially when I am tired it is so easy to put on Sponge bob Square pants and let the tv babysit the kids while I get some things done. I often wonder how my mother did so much. She worked part time, our house was always clean and we always had food on the table. I can't figure out how to do all of that, and still have time to spend with my children.

I am so lucky not to have to put my children in day care. That is a blessing for me. I get to interact with my children all day long, watch them play, teach them and help them grow. I am not worried about watching my children learn from others. I am not worried about who is taking care of them and what they are teaching them. But I am very fortuante to be in a situation to be able to do that. It is not something that alot of families are able to do. Most have to work, and that is wonderful what they are providing for there children.

We all have sacrafices that we have to make. But following our heart and what we have avaliable to you, you can make the decision that fits you.

Being Thankful

2008-06-24T09:40:00.002-04:00

I have been thinking alot today about being thankful. There are so many times that I have gone each day with out being thankful for all that I have. I have so much to be thankful for. I have found out that by realising what I am thankful for and being appreciative of it makes my day so much better.

I have a wonderful family. My husband is a wonderful man that works so hard to take care of us. There are times that it is hard, but we work together and stick with it we can make it through anything. My children are so funny, they make me see the wonder in the world. They are teaching me patience. They are teaching me unconditional love. My parents are so supportive of me. They show me how to be a wonderful parent. My sister shows me how beautiful people are. How they can care and be there for you no matter what. I have learned so many great lessons from them.

There are so many people that I have not met that have changed my life. I love listening to podcasts, expecially the ones associated by SQPN. These are wonderful faith filled people. They have shared there faith and lives with us though there podcasts. Through this faith, I am able to find my faith and find how I want to live my life. They are people that will never know how much they touch lives, but they really do.

My online friends through all of the social media sites have taught me how taking some time for people you don't know makes them feel special. Every time I get a response to something I put out there it makes me feel special.

Even people who have come into my life and have left. Each of them have taught me something new. They have helped to shape my life. They have each taught me some lessons. Some are through the good that we have shared, some are from things that are not so good. But each lesson has helped me become a better and stronger person.

So many times we can go through out the day with out being thankful. It is an amazing gift we have. This gift can help us become better people and can help shape our lives.

Count Your Blessings

2008-06-23T10:47:00.003-04:00

Count Your Blessings
Count your blessings instead of your crosses;

Count your gains instead of your losses.

Count your joys instead of your woes;

Count your friends instead of your foes.

Count your smiles instead of your tears;

Count your courage instead of your fears.

Count your full years instead of your lean;

Count your kind deeds instead of your mean.

Count your health instead of your wealth;

Love your neighbor as much as yourself.

Author unknown

While reading today I found this. How true. We can change our life by just counting the good, learning from the bad. We can find our blessings by stepping back and knowing that they are there and they make a difference. Each time we count a blessing we are making our life, and our outlook so much better.

Yesterday I learned alot about counting my blessings. My uncle was in an accident 5 years ago. His life has completely changed. He can no longer live on his own, and needs constant help and supervision. It was his birthday, and seeing the family together, laughing and having a good time was wonderful. We were all looking at our blessings. Telling stories of the good. Living our lives to the fullest. Watching the children play, laugh, and learn.

We did not look at the bad. The fact that everything has change, not only for him, but for all of us. We did not look at the trials that he has and still has to go through, we were happy to be together, to celebrate, to laugh and to love. That is amazing. To take the time to count the good and learn from the bad is a wonderful gift we have, we can share and we should share.

The Storms of Life

2008-06-22T08:29:00.007-04:00

So I was thinking yesterday, something that is not so easily done at times but I try. I was watching a rain storm, it blew in quickly, rained hard, and blew out just as quickly. What a blessing, with summer and high temperatures here, it watered my garden, watered the grass, how much good it did. At the same time it started to flood parking lots and streets, brought in some tornado warnings. How can something so good, also do so much destruction.

By looking at the storm, and thinking about what was around me I realized that so many blessings in life are this way. Look at our children. What a blessing - unconditional love, hugs, kisses - they are truly something to be grateful for. On the other hand - what a big destruction of your body, your house, your sanity and your patience. Same can be said for animals, and other people in your life. But if you choose to look at them in that way, nothing good can or will come out of it. Everything in live has the good, the bad and the ugly attached to it. It is how you choose to look at it, and how you choose to handle it that will make the difference.

With everything there is good and bad. With every storm there is destruction and there are blessings. The challenge is to find the blessings. With the water, it provides life. It gives us something our body needs to continue going. It allows us to become clean, and clean things like dishes and laundry. It is a source of entertainment. It quenches thirst. It helps our food grow. We could not live without water. In the same breath you can say it destroys life. Too much water can hurt plants, can cause death, can cause destruction. Look at hurricanes, so much destruction comes with them.

The challenge is to take the bad and find the good. Take the people that are a challenge for you and find the good in them. We have been giving the choice of free will, lets us it to change the world.

Take the rain storm, while there was destruction, leaves and branches down in my back yard, toys moved, there was a lot of good that came out of it. The plants got water they need to grow. It cooled down outside. What a blessing.

Finding Blessings

2008-06-21T14:10:00.003-04:00

Each day I try to take a look at my life and find a blessing in it. Something I find rough. Something that I find challenging. Something where I would never find a blessing before. This is a challenge. I find that by doing this I am working on changing my view point from glass half empty to glass half full. I never realized how hard that was to do. But being that it is hard to do, it is the most rewarding thing that I have ever done. Each and every day I am finding that there are different blessings around me. Blessings that have always been there, but I have never noticed.

Each day I wake up to two beautiful smiling children. I am still tired and I don't want to get up. I have taken this as a burden. Now I am working to change this into a blessing. They are beautiful. They are happy to see me. They are refreshed and ready to start another day. I have food on my table. Taking the time to prepare can be rough, but the fact is that I am blessed to have food available. I am blessed to be able to make food that is good for myself and for my family.

Taking the time each and every day to find the blessings in my life is such a rewarding experience. It is so easy to take for granted what you have in front of you, but to take the time to see that it is a blessing, means so much more.

Growing a Garden

2008-06-21T09:05:00.001-04:00

With the rising costs of food, and the rising costs of gas I have decided to start a new adventure of growing a garden. I have nine plants I have planted to start with. So far two of them have some vegitables growing. Others have flowers, so it looks like they may produce some vegitables.

I never realized how much time and effort goes into growing a garden. Getting the soil ready was so hard. My back yard has a lot of clay and rock. So I had to find a place to put my garden that would not have so much of that, but have soil that would allow my plants to take root and grow. Using the tiller was alot of hard work on my arms. I had a lot of blood, sweat and tears go into getting the soil ready. Looking back that is how I feel when I start out a new class. They all need to have some time put into them. They are not ready to receive the holy spirit but through the blood, sweat and tears that I put into the classes through preparation and through teaching I am getting them ready to receive the seed that the holy spirit so it can grow.

Then I had to plant the plants. I had to dig a hole that is deep enough for the roots to take, but shallow enough that the plant can continue to grow towards the sky and the sun. That was was difficult because I wanted to just do it myself, but had my son help me. I learned patience with that. He wanted to help, he wanted to be apart of the garden. I knew that I could do it by myself and get it done faster, but the pride in his face for doing it with me was worth the time put into it. I taught him how to plant the flowers. We talked about them growing. We talked about different things. It was a great time working with him to get the garden ready. Taking a step back I need to do this with my class. As much as I just want to do things myself because it will be faster, I need to enjoy the time it takes for them to help me out, and use it as a learning experience. Watch there roots start to find a place to stay and them blossom into beautiful young men and woman.

Remembering to water the plants every day is proving to be a challenge. Sometimes it rains and I have nothig to do, other days I have to remember to water the garden. And learning that there are better times in the day to water the garden was a hard lesson to learn. It is easier to do it during the middle of the day when we are playing outside but it is not always the best time to do it. Being patient and knowing that by waiting to the right time the plants will get the most out of the water I provide is a hard lesson to learn. Same with my class and children. There are times that they are going to soak up all of the knowledge I put in front of them, there are other times when it is just not a good time. Being patient is the best way to teach and have your words and lessons be heard.

Waiting is what we are doing right now. We have to wait until the vegitables are ready before we pick them. Seeing the little buds start to grow, watching what they are turning into is exciting, but waiting is hard to do. I want to pick them now but they are not ready. Same with my children. I need to step back and watch them grow. Wait, it will happen, and the rewards will be great. Same as with my class. I may not see the results in the year, but I need to know in my heart that I have made there garden ready, know that I have planted and taken care of the seed, and trust that it will blossom into something beautiful.

Giving Time to Others

2008-06-21T09:03:00.000-04:00

Taking time out of your busy day is hard to do . It is not easily given to others. We all have so much to battle each and every day. For instance being a stay at home mother, I have to take care of my children, play with them, clean the house, do the laundry, take care of the pets, make sure that every one is fed, teach my children, do the shopping, take them to the doctor, and so many other things. Most of these I have to do on a daily basis. I feel that my day is constantly going, I hardly have time for myself, and now I have to give to others. Why?

What a great question. Why would we want to give our time to others? Well because it is the right thing to do, first of all. It is also fills a space in our hearts, that we are doing something good for others. What a great lesson to teach our children, that everyone is important. If we need help we would want to have others help us, right?

We have extra time that we can give, if we just take the time to find it. Can we step away from the computer for a while and give that time to others? Can we step away from the television? Can we find the time in our heart to give... yes, we just have to have the want to do it. With the will we always find a way. A great example of this is when we want to exercise. If we really want to do this we find it in our hearts, the time to set aside for it. Same with volunteering, find the will in our heart and we will find the time in our day.

Finding the good in everyone

2008-06-21T09:01:00.001-04:00

There are some days that it is hard to find the good in people. People who you have felt have done you wrong. People who are different. People that just stopped talking to you. People who you love. Finding good in people is not an easy task. Actually it is probably one of the hardest things we have to face. Especially with the struggles that are out there in this world. The pressures to be better than some one else. The pressure to succeed.

I remember as a child being told that I needed to be more like my sister. She always found something good in everyone, even people she did not care for. She would always find a way to compliment them. I never understood how you could do that. How can you compliment someone that you just don't like. How can you find something good about them. If someone has hurt you, why would you even want to find something good about them.

Now as I am growing older and experiencing so many new things, and raising children I see what my mother was talking about. We need to find the good in others. It is not a hard thing to do. Everyone has some good quailties about them. You have to focus and find it. Know that no matter what has happened that you can tak the time to find the good, and in turn you are showing that you can do it. You might have to look harder in some people than others but know that it is worth it to find the good in everyone.

Finding the Strength From Within

2008-06-21T09:00:00.000-04:00

I have been struggling alot lately with weight loss and becoming healthy. I struggle with the fact that God gave us the ability to make such wonderful foods, does he not want us to enjoy them. But then I start to think again. Yes he does want us to enjoy things. He also gave us a wonderful tool called self control. Something that we have to learn how to use in our daily lives. He gave us this tool because he wants us to experience all that life has to offer us.

With that he lent us our body. This body is for us to experience life with. A beautiful gift. One to touch and hold our children. To hear the beautiful song of a bird singing. To speak the wonderful words he has taught us. To see the beautiful flowers that are in bloom. We need to take care of it. It is hard to do that because taking things for granted is something that is done with almost everything in life. Taking care of what we have is something that is not done as often as it should be.

We have been blessed with the ability to make choices. To control our destiny. We have so many great abilities. We have minds that have allowed us to solve the biggest mysteries. We are continuing to do that each and every day. Finding new medicines for different illnesses. Curing cancer. Saving the smallest of babies and allowing them to live full, happy lives. With these choices we need to find the strenght that we have in our soul to get up and to take care of ourselves.

The biggest setback is time. We have so much to do that time is something that we feel we don't have enough of. It is the biggest reason people don't go to the gym or do exercise. We all have the same amount of time. From the mom that seems to have everything in place to the successful business person. The key is knowing how to manage your time so that you can achieve all of your goals.

My favorite time quote = "Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein." H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Children are such a Blessing

2008-06-21T08:51:00.000-04:00

Today I was finishing fixing breakfast for my son and I and getting ready to sit down. The morning has been very hectic. The baby godzilla (my youngest son) tried to take his brother's cup and in the process got a bloody nose. Then he fell and scraped his hand. And to boot he did not sleep well last night because of the fact that he is teething, and super crabby. He has had a bad morning. King Kong (my oldest son) is in the why stage and is driving me crazy most of the day.

Well breakfast was finally done so I sat down and was looking forward to eating my breakfast. I have been teaching King Kong to pray before meals. He does it sometimes, but mostly will just sit there quietly. Today he looked at me and said mommy, we forgot to pray. How humbling. I can't believe that he took the tradition that I have been working so hard to get as apart of meals for the family and is taking it in his heart. I feel so blessed that he would think that is important to remind me.

As much as this morning has been crazy, it has been a great morning. I am so blessed to have two very active children, but childre that love me and that love being kids. I pray each day that they will grow up to be good people. Things like that make me think, that it is a possibility, that they will be great people.